Posted in Parenting, Fatherhood, Black Men

Broken Barriers…The Interlude. 

“Papa was a rolling stone where ever he lay his hat was his home….”

The men, where are they? There are a vast number of men who are making babies but are not making good fathers. These same men receive praise and admiration from individuals for being what some may deem as a “good man” yet they are the epitome of a deadbeat. These same men have multiple children by multiple women, with a lack mentality pertaining to the relationships. Why? Because there isn’t one. If there is a relationship, most of the time these men choose to deal only with the child/mother that does not bring him the most grief.  Why are so many men able to leave his hat like it’s his home, yet keep rolling?! The effect that most of these men leave on their children last a lifetime when not rectified. Unfortunately, for many children, it’s never truly rectified rather stored in a trunk of broken feelings and emotions.

We have a plethora of adults who, in age, has matured, yet not in mentality. It’s hard to expect much from men or women who does not have the skills needed to maintain healthy relationships. So many of our children are raised in single parent homes by women who were left to care for her children by herself. Then add the feelings of neglect and/or abandonment by the child  because their father was not present. A tough pill to swallow don’t you think?! Even still I refuse to make excuses for weak men and their behaviors in which they exude. So many men choose to make excuses and take the easy way out because hell it’s way easier then having to “combat” with their child’s mother. One thing I notice these men NEVER have a problem doing is committing to another broken relationship, their jobs or their selfish ways. Never ever have I saw this type of committment pose a problem for any man anywhere, however short or long term it may be. So here we are left with excuses but again guys are  committed to friends and friendship building yet can never find the time to commit to rearing their child and building them up. Interesting….whatever happened to “iron sharpens iron?”

Where are the righteous men who speak to the unrighteous when he sees him failing miserably? Does the family of the man who can do better encourage them to do so? Does the woman you choose to commit to encourage you to be better all around? We can’t continue to build these guys up in one area without doing so in totality. In my opinion ANY man who chooses to turn their back to their child for whatever the reason other than an attempt on your life, is simply, not shit. Regardless of all other accolades and triumphs one may have or continue to have in life, choosing to be a lackluster parent over shadows all other things obtained.

There are so many children suffering because one or both parents decided that raising them was just not part of their story…at that time. These same children, often times seek validation from whomever/whatever they can to make up for the lack from the parent(s) not being active. Imagine, young women lacking self love or love from her father so they utilize their sacred bodies to attract it. Now we deal with a potential onset of promiscuity. Imagine, young men, lacking self love or love of his father, so they become angry and turn to violence, mischief, gangs, and or drugs. These young men too become a shell of themselves and utilize their bodies the same as the young women. What we now have begun to create is a vicious cycle of lack. Lack of love, trust, care, manners, and respect for themselves and for others. When do men take accountability for helping to create these broken barriers within the youth, their youth?

Many men, black specifically, have not dealt with their own unresolved childhood issues that becomes more and more transparent the older they become. The transparency is seen in how they choose to finagle through life and the decisions they make while doing so. Again, a vicious cycle. When will people begin to hold these individuals accountable? When will they take onus? It’s never too late.

The world in which we live in is changing by the day. Is this not enough to make you want to change. Increase the love factor in yourself, your surroundings and decrease the fear factor on why you aren’t a better you for you and your child. Our children deserve more than your begrudgened ways. They deserve the kings that are deep within that seeks to be discovered. It’s time to alleviate the bullshyt and allow yourselves to be crowned. Be a father to your child, be a better man to yourself and break these barriers.

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Posted in life, love

Who’s Raising You?

Ok, first I want to start off by saying  I am not a “nosy” nor am I an “helicopter parent”, however, I do believe in “paying attention”. Now, by definition, my actions does not fit the bill.  Now that I have gotten that out way…

Recently I was chilling, doing what I do best, when I happened upon a conversation (because I was minding my business) that my sun was having with a young lady. Normally, it’s not within my auditory confines to listen to his conversations, but this time it was different. 

As I sat up, straighter, in my bed,  I constantly heard his side of what was a one sided conversation. At least from my standpoint…

Him: What you mean?

Him: So what you trying to say?

Him: So you saying I’m like all the other guys? 

Him: My name is __ don’t categorize me.

Him: You keep doing it, I’m not like them. 

Keep in mind I’m only hearing one side of the conversation. In doing so, I was so disheartened. Why you may ask? Well, let’s set the scene, you have two teens, ages 15-17 yrs of age trying to PROVE to one another their worth and reason for lack of trust from the other party. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

Here I am a grown woman of age, *clears throat* 39 years old to be exact, and this conversation is reminiscent of conversations of old between self and my sista girl groups. Hearing this kid repeatedly attempt to soothe this young lady over to believe that he was “not like the others”, had me wondering at 15-17 yrs of age, who has let you down? Who’s raising you? 
At such a sweet, tender age of teen anything, what have you experienced that makes you not trust a kid, because they are KIDS, your age? Grant it, there’s a slew of things that may trigger the lack of trust in humanity, but I’ll start with the home on this one.
Often times, what one sees/hears within the home becomes the bible belt of their ways, until they learn to relearn for themselves. I’ve sat amongst many women with the “these men ain’t shyt” mentality. While doing so I have shared, because lawd knows I have some stories, but I do not subscribe to it. How can you when you continue to lie and/or allow them to lie in your/their bed?! Why do women choose to push the negative epitome, yet say they want a positive ending? (Men do it too, but in THIS intance I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective, mine.) When does one revere positivity and love as one? Seemingly it doesn’t start until “that one” piques your interest and you attempt to start anew until your next disappointment then it’s back to the hate.
Young women are unfortunately being raised with the same mentality of their “I wish I met you before you were hurt” mothers.  Stop spewing such negativity into the ears and onto the minds of girls who have yet to experience life, in its fullness. Unfortunately, we emulate what we see or hear most often. Good, bad or indifferent. Change the narrative, change the outcome. Allow them and yourself to love, freely, those deserving of it, without walls. Will you be disappointed, let down, angered by, the opposite sex somewhere/somehow along the way? Certainly! Must you live there? Most certainly not! 
My hope for the future is that we “change the people, in order to change the people.” I hope to not stumble upon another conversation of someone attempting to prove themselves because someone can’t see their value or worth . If so, cash me out, in totality, go where the appraisal is plentiful and never depreciates or if so, slowly. That’s when you understand and see your value, when it’s removed from the deprecation elements. There’s enough hate in today’s climate of the world. Don’t allow it to start in your home. Change the trajectory of your lifestyle and environment by changing the mindset. It’s not hard to see the forest through the trees when resolution is placed in your pathway. Be the change you want to see, adjust the frame.

Posted in entertainment, life, love, music, religion, spiritual, sports

We Are The Champions My Friend…

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Congratulations to the Jackie Robinson West little league team on clenching the  US World Series Championship title.  They came, they saw, and they conquered.  Chicago is extremely proud of these young men and their coaching staff. Amidst all the negative “history” being made in other parts of the country, these guys are making positive history and representing the southside of Chicago at the same time. While doing so they are changing the face of the game as well. Good job JRW! Onwards and Upwards!!!